Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
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