if i can run in heels then i can drive
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
