i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
