That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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