I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Randomize
