1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
