Nicole vs. Life
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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