absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
