he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
