i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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