shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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