Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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