She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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