My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
