He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
