u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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