I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Randomize
