May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I could have mohawked her pubes.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
