Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
