what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
