yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
