This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
No stitches, just platelets and will power
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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