I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
