It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
