im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
