I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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