My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
