White coat. Heels.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
