either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize