Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
