Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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