So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
