I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
