All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Randomize
