wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I have so many feelings about this burrito
At least life still wants to fuck me.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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