They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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