last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize