she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
