i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
