but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I could fuck to npr.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
