I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Randomize
