I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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