Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
