I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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