My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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