i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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