and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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