There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Is her dick bigger than yours?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
