i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
