So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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