dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
