Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
