I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
