Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
