the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
