I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I have aggressive nipples.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
