i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
