I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
