Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry that1person hasn't picked any favorites yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

(973): View more from New Jersey

Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.

Fav 43 1441 3140
share tweet
(480): View more from Arizona

I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground

Fav 22 1401 4654
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(847): View more from Illinois

Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.

Fav 17 8490 1037
share tweet
(404): View more from Georgia

Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.

Fav 39 9658 1645
share tweet
(603): View more from New Hampshire

Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair

Fav 36 4971 1763
share tweet
(703): View more from Virginia

he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh

(1-703): View more from Virginia

be sure to add "office slut" to your resume

Fav 10 5090 1340
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(215): View more from Pennsylvania

What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."

Fav 21 3223 1213
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(509): View more from Washington

My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand

Fav 16 3131 870
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(814): View more from Pennsylvania

He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie

Fav 2 24 92
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT