fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You dont lie about slip and slides
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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