I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
