Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
