Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
