Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
