I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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